... then we will calculate your Dutch Cheese Age.
Why is that useful information? Well, your dutch cheese age provides a different perspective on the concept of ageing. It is reassuring to learn that while any age is considered to have its own benefits, the more hours and days you let yourself mature, you will always be better and more valueable for it.
Basically at this stage, you are still just a metaphorical sludge of milk, acid and bacteria trying to negotiate your future.
The better regulated the environment you are in, the higher your chances of becoming flavourful and fragrant. What happens in this phase is hugely important for the future, but at this stage, you really don't have anything to give yet.
Just kick back and let nature do its thing. Grow. Fester. Mould. Mature.
Young, fresh, and full of potential.
For some people, this is the only cheese they'll ever be able to understand. Pure, creamy and innocent, you are easy to enjoy in this phase of life, if maybe a little limited and unoriginal.
You melt easily and often. And when you do melt you get a bit rubbery.
Jong Belegen by definition is an in-between state.
You are neither here nor there. Not young and innocent anymore, but still too green to have made a major dent anywhere in life.
Enjoy the time you have left not being taken seriously. Life will get a lot more judgy after this.
Oh and don't be one of those lemon-flavoured cheeses, develop your own pizzazz!
Yes, you have reached a really nice and balanced ratio of water, salt and protein.
Slowly, the finer details of what makes life exciting become clear.
You look back at your earlier years and realize they were merely a lead-up to this. Maybe you think that you know some stuff now, and that you have achieved at least one or two things. But you don't and you haven't.
But you also get a whiff of your immense potential.
In this phase you realize that your appearance is slowly losing some of its glow and lustre.
But it's totally worth it! Because while you keep losing water, you will gain flavour and stank!
It's an exciting process during which you develop more and more finesse, sass and even some grace.
Of course in this phase you will also catch a first glimpse of your own mortality on the horizon.
Dutch people are very direct. Calling someone old is not meant as an offence, it's just a reference to the fact you've been around for a while.
By now, you have earned status and respect.
People who bring you to parties proudly introduce you by pointing out where you're from and which circumstances of your life are responsible for your sensational aroma.
As a top-shelf cheese you have hardened quite a bit, oh yes. Getting to the top takes its toll. But!
Salt crystals are flamboyantly sparkling on your skin. You are strange, fragrant and full of flavour. And you are ready. For anything.
Enjoy and celebrate yourself. The next (and ultimate) step is purely optional.
You are very dry and very salty now.
While your body cracks and parts fall off spontaneously, you have reached peak flavour. There are very few like you, but the impact you can have with a small contribution is immense.
There's certainly no way anyone is now going to slice you, wrap you in cheap plastic and peddle you.